So, one day, you are about to run some errands and you find your car won’t start. As you are looking under the hood to see if you can see anything evidently wrong, one of your neighbors, Republican Rob strolls up.
“Well, it’s obviously the fuel system.” says Rob. “Your lines are all corroded with high taxes, and the filters are regulating the fuel flow, and the injectors are far worse than Russian or Chinese injectors… it’ll probably cost about 700 billion in Pentagon Spending, plus at least 2 trillion in tax breaks for the rich to fix this.”
At that point, another neighbor, Democrat Dave walks up.
“No no no, that’s all wrong,” he proclaims, “It’s the electrical system. The computer is glitching, the wiring harness is shot, the ignition, and the plugs and wires… everything. I estimate it will take at least a trillion dollars in infrastructure spending (ignore the fact that 400 billion of that is tax breaks for rich people) if you want to fix this mess.”
Just then, another neighbor, Libertarian Larry joins in.
“You’re both wrong. The whole engine is shot. The bearings are gone, the valves are burned, the rings are worn out… I bet even the camshaft is ruined… you need to scrap the whole engine and replace it with a new one… don’t even ask what that’s gonna cost you…”
Well, the three of them start arguing, getting more and more heated as they do. You are afraid they might even come to blows, so vehemently do they each defend their own point of view.
At this point, another neighbor, Progressive Paul happens by.
“I’m pretty sure you just need to put some gas in it.” he says. “The gauge reads empty.”
The others begin ridiculing poor Paul. They call him stupid and explain that he simply doesn’t understand the magic of the Invisible Hand of The Free Market, and tell you to ignore him.
“But my car still won’t run!” you exclaim. “I got things to do, places to be.”
Republican Rob tells you how he’s replaced the entire fuel system, all the lines, filters, the injectors the pump… everything. But the car still won’t run.
Democrat Dave says he replaced the whole electrical system. The computer, wiring harness, ignition, alternator, battery, spark plugs and wires… all of it. But the car still won’t run.
Libertarian Larry is pissed because nobody will let him tear out the old engine and put in an entirely new one, and sits mumbling to himself in the corner.
And the car still won’t run!
Progressive Paul says “Look, I brought my own five gallon can of gasoline. I’ll gladly donate it and you’ll see, the car will run fine. It just needs gas.”
Republican Rob screams “No! Putting gas in the tank will over pressurize the fuel system and it will explode all over!”
Democrat Dave yells that if the system over pressurizes, the fuel spilling out could cause a fire if the electrical system shorts. “Don’t put any gas in that tank unless you want your car to turn into a giant fireball!” says he.
Libertarian Larry is still just mumbling away in the corner.
Paul tries to put the fuel in the tank, but the other three react violently and beat him to death with tire irons and Crescent Wrenches. They empty the gas can all over the ground. (Of course, the car still won’t run)
“Aren’t you glad we saved you from that crazy Socialist?” the others ask.
“But my car still won’t run,” you say, “what am I supposed to do now?”
“Well, I would recommend you pedal your bike down to the grocery store” Republican Rob says.
“Yeah, the shelves are getting pretty empty now, with the supply chain issues.” adds Democrat Dave.
“And prices are through the roof…” says Libertarian Larry.
“Yep, it’s all a mess right now, because none of the ships, planes, trucks and trains are working… and morons just like that Paul guy keep saying it’s because we aren’t putting fuel in them!”
“Seriously, doesn’t he know about the Magic of The Invisible Hand?”
And then, they all lock arms and begin to prance in a circle, widdershins, while chanting in an hypnotic monotone: “Invisible Hand of The Free Market” over and over. As they perform their strange ritual, a demonic image begins to swell and grow inside the circle, larger and larger grows the form of a Flaming Ayn Rand, it expands and expands as they chant on and on “Invisible Hand of The Free Market” until it grows as large as the entire universe, swallowing everything into a Black Hole of Stupid.
The End
Very clever!
😄😂🤣🤪🤪🤪❤️. I love the Demon Ayn Rand rising above the mess. Shouldn't you have her joined by her minions Ronald Reagan, Margaret Thatcher and a few others! Excellent.